On the Road to Dealing
by Vallana
Summary: We all have issues and secrets that we have to learn to live with, but when they threaten to consume us we sometimes need a little help facing them.
1. Moving On

Moving On

Disclaimer: The characters of InuYasha are not mine; they are property of Rumiko Takahashi, Shogakukan, Yomiuri TV, Sunrise, and Viz. The following story is for entertainment and not profit.

Her mother had warned her about falling in with the wrong crowd and now here she was, lured in by the promise of a good time. The evening had started innocently enough with Yuri suggesting a 'girl's night out.' Kagome had figured it would be filled with brightly coloured pyjamas, hunky movie men, and copious amounts of popcorn; a 'real giggle fest' in the comfort and safety of a well lighted home.

Squinting through the thick bar haze, she searched the undulating throng for the familiar faces of her friends, to no avail. She had offered to watch the drinks while they went off to join the hungry-eyed men on the dance floor, no wanting her bad mood at being tricked into a night on the town to affect the others. She guessed that she probably deserved it after forcing them to deal with her months of moping over something they would never be able to understand, even if they did believe her.

Shaking her head to disperse the memories before they began, Kagome slipped out of the circular booth. Her friends could get new drinks; they hadn't paid for these ones anyway. Straightening the white tank top Yuri had lent her and checking the pleats in her school skirt, Kagome made for the mass of shifting bodies that had swallowed all that was once familiar to her.

As she edged her way through the crowd a familiar face come into view, and then another, and another. She had found the friends that had abandoned her for the pulsating music and beer swilling men. Yuri was the first to notice her and quickly left the dark haired man she had been dancing with to embrace her, making it clear the Kagome was to be welcomed to the group. As she watched Yuri return to her male companion, Kagome resolved that tonight she would let the past go and enjoy her night out with her friends. As the pounding rhythm of the next song blended into the first, she felt a hand slip around her waist from behind. Unconsciously her muscles tensed as she fought to convince herself that it was okay to let this stranger invade her personal space; it was part of moving on. It was a good thing, but she knew that part of her would never be ready, not so long as she could still feel him at the edges of her senses.

****

He watched her, from his seat by the bar, sipping the brightly coloured drink one of the waitresses had brought her. Her presence had caught him by surprise, not just because he hadn't seen her in years, but because he would have thought her too 'good' for such a 'low' place. She looked different than he would have expected. Her hair was pulled back from her face leaving her neck exposed, her top was lower cut and sleeveless, but not that much different from what he had last seen her in. He couldn't help but notice that she still seemed haunted by the loss of his younger brother. The pain wasn't nearly as transparent as it had been the day she had knelt over the grave he shared with his first love, the two of them finally at rest. He remembered how he had admired her then for how she had fought to have the lovers buried side by side just outside the small village both had called home. He guessed that she would never look truly happy again, but the feeling of empathy she drew from him was unexpected.

He let his eyes follow her as she left the solitude of her booth and made her way to the crowded floor. She looked uncomfortable as she was greeted by the other girls he had seen her arrive with, even though her smile seemed genuine. He knew he had no right to interfere, and yet, as the man who had worked his way in behind her placed his hand on her hip, he found he couldn't stop himself.

****

At first she though she was imaging him, he was so unchanged, but as he drew nearer she saw he was not quite the same. His armour was missing, but his arm had returned, his hair was still long and as gorgeous as she remembered and he still wore the same unmistakable red and white haori. His fur stole was missing and his loose white pants had been replaced by tight black leather.

She felt the hand that had been touching her quickly removed. Everyone seemed to know that it was her that he was coming for and made space for him to enter. He was more than unexpected; he was part of what she had though she had lost.

"You do not belong in here."

His voice seemed deeper that she remembered, not in tone, but in something more intangible, like emotion. It made her heart beat faster and her eyes well with longing to touch him, to assure that it was not just a dream.

"Come."

She found herself following his command without hesitation. He led her through the parted crowd and into the parking lot. She was vaguely aware of her friends calling out to her over the din from the bar and the louder pounding of her own heart, but she couldn't bring herself to look back.

"Put this on."

Kagome smiled as he pulled something large and white out of one of the saddle bags on the bike he had led her to. As she wrapped the familiar fur around her exposed shoulders he motioned for her to climb on behind him. She felt a little unsteady as she swung her leg over the seat and settled in. Flipping up the kickstand he brought the metal beast to life. As the motor rumbled between her legs, Kagome slipped her arms around the seemingly timeless man that had stepped out of her past and felt herself carried off into the darkening night.


	2. Getting Lost

Getting Lost

Disclaimer: The characters of InuYasha are not mine; they are property of Rumiko Takahashi, Shogakukan, Yomiuri TV, Sunrise, and Viz. The following story is for entertainment and not profit.

She had followed him so eagerly that he was finding it difficult to restrain himself. He had torn off her shirt and pushed her down onto the raised platform that served as his bed before he knew what he had done. Her ebony hair lay about her in waves, framing the features of her face; her half closed eyes and slightly parted lips. She seemed to be waiting in anticipation for his next move.

He was unaccustomed to the myriad of emotions that the sight of her invoked in him: her child-like innocence made him want to protect her, her womanly curves made him want to taste her, and under it all was a worrying fear. Not a fear that she would ever do anything to harm him, but a fear that she was the one that would cause him to lose himself completely.

As her hand reached out as if to plead with him, Sesshomaru felt the fear melt into a warming acceptance. If he was to be lost at least she would be there beside him.


	3. Two Paths Converge

Two Paths Converge

Disclaimer: The characters of InuYasha are not mine; they are property of Rumiko Takahashi, Shogakukan, Yomiuri TV, Sunrise, and Viz. The following story is for entertainment and not profit.

"He did love you, you know." The aged priestess whispered to the grieving woman beside her.

"He did," she answered after a pause, "but he was 'in love' with her."

The two women stood in silence for a time listening to the funeral fire crackling as it consumed the peaceful bodies within it. Kagome was oblivious to the warmth that surrounded her; she just felt numb. The pain of being in love with someone who would never return the feeling was being replaced by a greater pain. He had told her that he had finally made a decision, but something inevitably interrupted them before he could reveal it; and then, she had found them together under 'their' tree. Nobody knew how it had happened, only that they had died together.

"Please make sure that the others know that…I'll never forget them." Kagome ended the silence. Without waiting for a response, she left for the well, leaving Kaede to oversee the remainder of the burial plans. She felt like running from the crushing weight of memories that seemed to come from everywhere. She knew home wouldn't be much better, but at least she would have the comfort of her mother.

****

Kagome clenched her jaw as she fought back the tears that threatened to come. It had been a long time since she had dreamed of Inu Yasha's death. She didn't like to think about it, or the dark, numbing place it always seemed to bring her.

Blinking her eyes open, she felt a pleasing warmth flood her. She found herself relaxing as a sudden smile overtook her. He really was here, five hundred years later, but then she should have known. He had always been timeless; flawless; pristine. He had always seemed untouchable to her because of his perfection, but now, in the light of morning, with his hair strewn across the pillows and his long limbs tangled in the sheets, the Great Lord Sesshomaru seemed almost human. 'No, not human,' she corrected herself, 'vulnerable, fragile, or even unguarded, but not human; never human.'

****

"Your father was weak!" The words were spat at him with venom. "'She' made him that way; that human whore he dared to bed. They both got what they deserved."

His mother's new lover had offered to complete his training, something Sesshomaru knew he should have been thankful for, but ever lesson began with a degradation of his father's memory. At first he had lashed out without thinking, the pain of his father's death still too fresh, but his mother had berated him for his rash actions claiming that no son of hers would dare to be so disrespectful as to attack the one person that had been willing to overlook the taint that the birth of a hanyou had brought to their family and take them in. No one ever seemed to take into account that 'she' had been a princess of nearly equal station. She was human and that made her less suitable than even the lowest ranked demon.

"Your father was weak and it appears he has passed that on to his offspring, but I will soon fix that!"

His mother seemed to surround herself with those that detested her late husband. It wasn't long before the constant verbal barrage against the great demon he had admired took its toll. He couldn't say exactly when his feelings had changed, it had happened so gradually, but the effect had not been subtle; Sesshomaru hated his father for what he had done, he hated the half-breed that had ruined his perfect life, and most of all he hated human females and the weakness their existence seemed to cause.

****

He felt shaken as he always did when he remembered how easily his emotions had been manipulated then. It had weighed heavily on him when he had realized it, but the hatred had become so ingrained that he could no longer find the love he had once felt for his father. It created a dissonance in him that he could not resolve until he had vowed never to feel anything again.

It had worked with only moderate success, his loathing for his father's bastard had become too great to be buried and ignored. His hatred of human females eventually became something more akin to apathy, until he had met 'her.' She had opened a door that he had never been able to close.

Sesshomaru felt someone brushing the loose strands of hair from his face and let his eyes flutter open. The smile that greeted him was still sad, the eyes still haunted. He found himself entranced by the melancholy stare that searched him for something.

"How long have you been awake?" He asked reaching forward to return the favour and brush a dark tress from her cheek.

Kagome shrugged as she watched his hand retreat to where it had been resting. She suddenly remembered how he had touched her the night before and found herself overcome by a rush of heat. Sesshomaru's eyes widened as his nostrils filled with the scent that had attracted him so strongly at the bar.

"How long are you going to grieve for him?" His question caught her off guard.

"It's not him that I grieve for," she answered after a heavy pause, "it's for the person I thought I was." He saw the pain in her eyes grow as she spoke and when she looked away he knew that she was hiding something. He waited silently for her to become uncomfortable under his stare and continue.

"I was the one who found them, wrapped in each other's arms, beneath our tree..." her jaw clenched as she remembered the sight, "...their tree." She felt a tear slip down her cheek, the same as it had done when she had overheard Inu Yasha's decision to leave her for Kikyo. She still wasn't sure where the bow had come from or how it had gotten into her hands, but she would never forget the sight of the glowing arrow as it flew towards its mark.

"I killed them, you know." Her heart skipped as she realized the horrible secret she had let escape. Kagome searched the man laying in front of her for any sign of hatred of rejection at her confession.

Sesshomaru had always wondered how the hanyou had met his end, but he would never have guessed that the answer would be so surprising. He watched the woman that he had dismissed so many times before for any hint of pride or joy at what she had done, but found only pain; the same pain that had been haunting her all along. Now he was beginning to understand.

He had tried for years to kill his brother, the child that had caused his father to die a disgrace, and blamed his failures on an inherited weakness for humans. It had caused him to fight harder to prove his strength, only to continue to fall short. Sorting through everything he knew of her, he found the major difference that had given her strength where his had consistently failed; she was not afraid to fall!

"You loved him." He hadn't meant it as an accusation, but he watched the long buried pain threaten to consume her.

"I killed them because I was jealous."

"No." He stated strongly taking her head in his hand. "You could see what they could not. There was no place for them in that world. They would never be able to find happiness, especially if they were together." It took a few long moments, but he eventually saw his words break through the self-hatred she had been fostering in secret. "You loved him. You wanted him to be happy and dying together, by an outside hand, was the only way either of them was going to find peace. You did what no one else could do; you made them happy because you loved him. It gave you strength."

She fell into his arms, recognizing the truth in his words. She had loved Inu Yasha and knew that he would never be able to escape the discrimination that had followed him since his birth. Sesshomaru held her carefully, as if she would break, as her body shook with sobs of relief. She clung to him in desperate need of something he wasn't sure he had.

"Thank you," she mumbled into his chest as the sobs subsided, "how can I ever repay you?"

Gripping her shoulders firmly, he lifted the woman who thought she needed him, "Help me to be as strong as you." She stared at him in shock. She had always thought of him as the strong one, but at that moment she saw what she had only glimpsed while he had slept; he was vulnerable.

"Teach me to love."


End file.
